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I spent this weekend with friends in Las Vegas for birthday celebrations. Usually, whenever I gamble I try to stay stone cold sober. From previous experiences, I've learned that a fool is soon parted from his money, and a drunk fool has even more proclivities to this unfortunate trend. Most of the time, I play table games that require some rational thought such as blackjack and craps. Constant money management as well as statistical reasoning and adherence to strict mathemagically optimal strategy are all on my mind whenever I play these games. Sometimes I come up, and sometimes I get taken for a significant (at least for me) amount of money. To display the varying range of results:
This is my trademark cocky winning pose with bundles of earnings.  My very pitiful pose after (literally) losing my shirt. What a fool I was... it's so much easier to just chill out at a slot machine, drink yourself silly and watch the money pour in! Voila! Behold the greatest and most exciting slot machine ever devised by man (or machine):
 HAYWIRE!
I don't use the word amazing very often, but I will say with absolutely no hesitation that this machine is the most amazingly amazing form of gambling ever created! Needless to say, I'm sure the vast quantities of alcohol my friends and I drank contributed to much of our entertainment, but seriously, this game really brings the fun-ness. Especially when the machine goes ape-shit and starts to shake as it gives you bonus spins. I'd like to think that all of us are reasonably intelligent, college educated people, but as soon as we began, we started acting like a bunch of baboons... Some of the less intelligent (but infinitely more entertaining) tactics we employed during our play were chanting "HAYWIRE" in high pitched voices, cajoling the machine to pay out more frequently, swishing our hands lovingly across the paylines, and using our chins, elbows and mongolian chops (OK, so only Chan did this) to hit the "Spin" button and psych the machine into giving us the ever-loving HAYWIRE...
In the throes of Haywire mania, my girlfriend exclaimed loudly to me, "This is way better than sex!" to which I eagerly (and unwisely) agreed at the time. Only later did I find out to my great displeasure, that she was totally being honest. Which is just another reason kids, that you should really avoid binge drinking at all costs. Check out my newest guide on that very topic! :)
Dive Bars in LA:
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| | Posted 6/2/2008 11:10 PM - 229 Views - 18 eProps - 9 comments
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it says "ta eis heauton" in greek. marcus aurelius.
